Dear Mr D

Write a letter to your health

Dear Mr D, 

We first met on 15th March 2004, even though you may have known me before I didn't know you. You came along when I was 13 at a difficult age of everything changing. We had a bumpy start with being admitted to hospital with 30+ sugars but we soon set sail on a journey together. 

Our journey however wasn't always smooth, we hit a brick wall and went our separate ways for a long time to the point were you didn't care about me no more so I no longer cared for you. We grew apart and hardly stayed in touch. You took over my life and I wanted nothing to do with you! You wasn't the way I had hoped and your personality wasn't to my liking at all, you needed caring for 24 hours a day and I couldn't keep up. 

2005 came along and I simply walked into a table...I know a blonde moment of mine but still only a mere bump to the leg and boom! you decided to remind me of your presence. This reminder came in the form of Necrobiosis which is an awful mark on my shin that will never disappear. As a 15 year old girl a mark on the leg is traumatic, tights on all year round, no camouflage make up can cover it properly and those summer dresses are a big huff for me...Thanks much appreciated Mr D. 

This letter to you can't be all negative I suppose...at the start of this year we decided to reunite and build on our relationship again before we both got hurt or destroyed each other. I agree we did try our hardest but Mr L (Larry Lantus) didn't want to work with us or in our partnership so we tried to grab Mrs N's attention (Novorapid Norma) She tried to work with us but we needed all four of us to work as a team. Nothing worked Mr L just didn't want to listen and he sent us on a roller coaster every day. 

Finally 30th August came and we were set to meet our new friend who was going to help us on our journey. We managed to persuade the PCT to fund her and she came all sparkly and ready to work hard, just what we needed! So me, you and Mrs N met Peppa the pink animas pump. All of us together work as a team and we are really seeing the benefits of a happy relationship. I do admit we have a lot of learning to do all of us four but we are slowly getting there even if we have a few hiccups every now and then. I suppose I can forgive those hiccups as sometimes that could be my fault and sometimes it's yours but who's pointing fingers? 

To round up my letter to you, I would like to say thank you for being here and behaving yourself, we have to work together we don't have a choice but I suppose we do have a choice to be friends and get along. I do prefer our friendship now we are on good terms. 

I'll keep up the good work if you do along with Peppa and Mrs N. 

Kind regards

Your partner in crime, Ness

Photo a day 1 to 8

Photo a day for 30 days....playing catch up! 1-8

1. Struggle - life's always a struggle when
you have Necrobiosis Lipoidica Diabeticorum
caused by your diabetes.

2. Prescriptions - Being overloaded with endless
supplies to keep you alive every day. 

Dot to dot.

3. Fingers - The endless amount of times
I have pricked my fingers to test my
sugars, one day ill be a fountain of
blood! 

4. Oops - Oops indeed for the blocked
cannulas and for the amount of bruises
that may come my way in the future.

Oops for bruises

Oops for the blood

5. Bulls-eye - For the days when perfect
sugars grace you with their presence
and Mr D behaves 

6. Gear - This is the amount of 'gear'
I take with me everyday to ensure
I stay alive

7. Feet - got to keep these bad boys
healthy, they may not be beautiful
but I sure as hell would miss them!

8. Sparkle - This is for the sparkle on
each birthday cake I get every year
and being thankful for my sparkling new
insulin pump for making life that little bit
easier. 

Day 6 - Taking the high road

Better late than never I suppose!!

Prompt - Write about a time you had to take the high road

This post is more about taking the high road within myself apposed to taking the high road away from a person.

I was diagnosed in 2004 at the age of 13, my high school didn't have a clue what my condition was and what they had to do. My nurse came and spoke to the staff at my high school but who knows what she told them as at the age of 13 I didn't rate my DSN either. I just got on with it and I would test just before dinner time and wouldn't bother till I returned home. I slowly drifted into a rut of not bothering what I did or what Mr D did. I often got a telling off for wanting the toilet more and as I look back well if your sugars were 20+ you would want the toilet a lot!

So as time went on I didn't care and my A1c slowly started to creep up and I would walk into clinic with no results and a very empty book! Even though my consultant scared the life out of me, it still did not motivate me to bother.

I left school and off to college I went and I still didn't care. Often I would spend all day at college with no blood meter, no food, no hypo treatments and I would barely eat dinner if I could help it! My sugars were far to high for me to even feel a hypo in the distance so nothing really matter to me.

I completed college and moved on to university were I lived in halls for the first year and still didn't really care about Mr D or the effects he might have on me. By this point my A1c was 12.6% I would occasionally try to test my sugars when I would remember just so that my DSN could help my sugars. By the time I was in uni my DSN was now a lady called Alison, who has stuck with me through thick and thin, she would attempt to motivate me and outline the importance of testing but I just went on living the life I was used to, with not a care in the world. I would always take my injections but they would be mere guessing of what insulin I needed.

One summer my mum and dad went abroad for a holiday and also my sister, her husband and my nephew also went on holiday. They asked me if I could 'house sit' and look after the dog whilst they were away. My boyfriend lived 30 miles down the road at the time so I was in the house alone. One morning I woke up and felt seriously strange and sick. I plodded on and started to get ready for work. As I drank water I could feel myself choking at the thought of putting a drop of water in my mouth. As the afternoon approached it suddenly dawned on me that I had forgot to take my Lantus injections the night before. I immediately rang Primary care (which is a helpline run by the NHS with trained nurses and doctors at the hospital), the sister on the line really dug her nails deep in my skin through the phone as she explained how serious it was to forget it. I was told to drive to the hospital, which I know now was very serious! I was in the early stages of DKA. With nobody around I had plenty of time to think about my actions and how serious things could have been if it had gone further. The needle the nurse put in my lower arm for an acid test kindly reminded me I never wanted to be in that situation again.

It still took time for me to be motivated and grow up, finally at the start of this year was a huge turning point. I decided I needed to grab hold of my life and sort it out. Since then I have continuously visiting my DSN (Alison) every 2 weeks to help keep on top of myself. It took myself to forget the anger inside of me and to take the high road and get on with life and not to waste the life I had. I worked very hard for months on end and still didn't get those perfect sugars I would love to have, but I persevered and finally 8 months later my funding for an insulin pump was accepted and life is going great.

I embrace how lucky I am and have no anger within me regarding Mr D, hes just a small part of my every day life.

Who is this guy? Diabetes consultant or highly paid doctor?

The day finally came for my first clinic appointment. Firstly I saw my DSN and the dietitian for my weight and blood pressure which I wasn't looking forward to as this week has been tough on weight issues. My family have a hot topic about me putting weight on which is clearly because I have better controlled sugars and the sugar is no longer been flushed down the toilet! Still it is a very touchy subject to me and I can see myself in the mirror!
I stepped on the scales and once again a few more kilograms... not what I was expecting. The tears started flowing and I don't think it helped that my beloved boyfriend mentioned in the waiting room that my dad was telling my mum I had put on weight so I had already got upset in the waiting room. My DSN and dietitian kindly reminded me how far I have come in such a short space of time and that for the past 8 years nothing was actually going through my system and now I need to take another look at my calorie in take as it has changed due to my sugars being at a normal range. Which got me thinking how hard people find change, my family have to understand that for years on years it didn't matter what I ate, it made no difference but now it makes a huge difference and things in my house have to change and it shouldn't just be me who changes because if you see somebody next to you eat a muffin...I want a muffin too. So temptations in the house need to be gone...this may sound petty or harsh on the people I live with but everybody in my family complains about their weight so why not change now while I have to before I become the 50 stone diabetic!

Back to it...
So my DSN and dietitian had a long chat with me and explain things through and how I could work on things to make it better, like go for a walk when I get home before I wind down in the evening or jump on the cross trainer for 10 minutes before I relax with a brew and of course I need to get back into the circuit training...which I have to say I enjoy.

Finally I saw the consultant, I walked in with my boyfriend and sat down... first question 'what do you think of the pump' to my reply 'I LOVE my pump' and he seemed pleased so I threw the most important question out there my HbA1c. It was 8.5% I was ecstatic! He brought up all my A1c's since diagnosis in 2004 and this one was the best since 2006 : D  It was such an amazing feeling to know a starting point of my success.
As my consultant said 'yes it is a very good starting point and remember it is a starting point'. I know this sounds like hes telling me not to give up but what he actually meant was don't be disheartened by it still being 8.5%.
I then had to literally throw my book of numbers at him as he wasn't going to ask for them and in the back of my mind my conscience was telling me....THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE HAD A BOOK FULL OF BLOODS!!!!!
So I practically threw it at him to look! So finally I had to mention I wake up high as he didn't seem to notice and he told me all about the hormones that are produced in the early hours of the morning as if I didn't know that anyway and then he had no intention of making changes. He just saw the lovely green highlighted numbers which I like to pick out to show a clear picture and he mentioned I had some great bloods.

The comment that then made me think 'who is this guy?' was "if you have any problems with your pump, speak to Alison (my DSN) as she knows more about the pumps then we do, I don't know much about them, so I will see you in 6 months time". I must of spent a whole 7 minutes with this man!

I walked out and boom it hit me...What exactly is this guy for? Is he the person that tells me i'm doing great and he gets paid a bomb to tell me a result of my A1c? I could easily just see my DSN and she could tell me to same thing with more support.

I know some people have great consultants and have a brilliant relationship with their consultant...not me, I don't think he would know me if I stood in front of his face. In my personal opinion I don't think DSN's get enough credit for what they do! My DSN is amazing and she may be a tough cookie as a few may know but she would never let me down and always takes my side or compromises with me.

How well do you know your consultant, would you trust him with your care if he had control, would you let him make changes to your current health plan...because I sure as hell would not!

Approaching D day!

Soon approaching is D day!! The dreaded clinic appointment is coming thick and fast, on Tuesday it will be my first appointment since little peppa the pump joined us. I have to say I am dreading the HbA1c result as it is early days but I still hope for a slight improvement.


Yesterday was a fabulous day for me! I didn't go above 6 which was great :D so I must be doing something correct! We will see what the consultant says as he was the one who said it's not for me...well time to show them who's boss then!! eeeeeekkk!!!!

Living with Mr D

This is my first blog and it is all new to me...I have been inspired by a few fellow D's to start a blog and I think it is the perfect opportunity to start one as everything in my life is changing.
Recently I have found the amazing support from the DOC (Diabetes Online Community) who are helping me along the way everyday.
After so many years of not caring it is about time I started to care about myself and Mr D and grow up I suppose. So this is why I have started a blog to share with everybody my struggles, my achievements and the way I deal with living with Mr D. I have also joined twitter to keep up to date with the DOC as I know they will be the backbone to my success with Mr D and I appreciate you all!

I have an amazing family who support me too. I live with my mum and dad who have also been there for me but I think recently things are changing for them too. They have to understand the new way of living with Mr D now and that I can eat what I want, when I want. I think they kind of like it better as they don't have to deal with a stressy nessy no more. I have an amazing boyfriend who lives with me. Without him I think I would be a crazy cat lady! He puts up with everything with me and understands me down to a T. I love him dearly and thank him for all the support he gives me. I also have an older sister who worries about me rather too much and her husband who is a brother to me. Finally my beautiful nephew Harry, if he isn't a reason to sort myself out I don't know what is. At 3 years old he understands that auntie ness has medicine and he shouldn't touch and now auntie ness' medicine is a little machine. Just a cuddle and a kiss from that little man makes everything easier to deal with :)

Finally friends... they are amazing and always have been through thick and thin! and are always very excited to see the new gadgets I come home with!!