Meltdown

Yesterday I suffered a complete meltdown. This all started when I was eager to find out the result of my A1c, it came back at 74 which in old money is 8.9%. I was completely devastated and couldn't understand where I had gone wrong or what I had done to deserve this!

As I started to think back over the past 3 months or so, I started to realise I have had a tough couple of months. With my colitis diagnosis, me having a mini fit about how many tablets I now have to take and my eyes slowly getting worse. It was no surprise that it has risen, by only 1% may I add, I have also been on my summer holidays which probably doesn't help either.

Another Day

This morning I have woken up with a new head on my shoulders, I have downloaded my meter data and boy do I have some killer graphs on there. It's crazy because I had this mentality of if its a good BG - great! If it was a bad BG well just correct it. I never took the time to write them down to notice a pattern. I was clearly pulling the wool over my eyes. 


Time for a change

From today I have given Mr D a bit of a kick to wake up and also myself to get a grip.
My plan of action is to look over my basal tests over the next 2 weeks especially evening tests, the one I try to avoid! Oops!
Then once I have sorted basal tests out then I will move on to ratio's and take one step at a time. I am also waiting for an appointment with my DSN, I have found all through my diabetic life, if I don't see her for a while I slip back, it's like I need her to keep checks on me. I know this sounds daft but it makes me motivated as I know I am seeing her and motivated to prove to them I need my pump.


Finally its a new dawn, a new day and time to get on with it!

Peppa's First Birthday - Pumpaversary

This time last year I was sat in clinic waiting to meet my new best friend...Peppa! Today is her first birthday which I feel needs to be celebrated!

I know this blog may not be everybody's cup of tea but after everything that Peppa has done for me I feel she should be appreciated! After a long hard struggle I think finally after a year has gone by, I am finally getting there. I have had the best BG levels over the past few weeks, please note this may change when I am back at school.

So here's some photos to outline my year with Peppa:

My cupboard is now compacted like a pharmacy.

I have learnt the hard way that changing a cartridge when drunk is not useful or clever!! 

We've had some lows!

We have also had some highs! 

 A good high blood sugar doesn't come by itself, we have sore cannulas, bloody cannulas and cannulas that come off as if by magic or if you have a blonde moment and forget it's there when going to the loo. #Oops!

We have our trusty friend Roo, Thanks to @theGBDOC and my #bgbingo win! 

Cavilon spray has been a life saver for me! As I am allergic to...well anything remotely sticky! (medical terms Elastoplast) I can even wear plasters without a fuss :-)

 My trusty emergency kit which is like a Mary Poppins bag of diabetes tricks. I have to admit it doesn't always follow me round but when working its handy and comforting to have close by.

Peppa Pump, and I ,had the chance to meet Peppa Pig :-D

 After a long day a glass of wine is always the answer, especially when your pump has no battery and the cap will not come off and your alone in the house...a large glass of wine is needed in these cases! 

Overall I am a happy pumper and it has changed my life for the better, although I have a long way to go, I feel this has been a good choice for me and it may not be for everyone but its preventing complications in my life which is a huge bonus!

Finally we can't forget the good times :-D I have just been for my HbA1c so unsure of the result so far so it will be entered here soon **%. I am hopeful as last time it was the best it has ever been since I came out of my honeymoon period almost 9 years ago. Fingers crossed. 

#pumpaversary 

#PeppaPumps1stBday

World War D

                                             

Again it has been a while since my last blog but I had to pick the right moment to write down my thoughts about this.

Recently on Twitter it is like world war D has disrupted our little family of PWD and this war was started over the pump vs MDI debate.

PUMP VS MDI

In 2004 I was diagnosed with diabetes, I started on mixed insulin's through a syringe then I was moved on to MDI. For 8 years I struggled to grasp control of my diabetes using this method. I had continuous high sugars and my A1c was maxing 13%. I worked really hard, I tried to change when I took my Lantus which had no effect at all, I changed the doses of my Lantus which ranged from 27-35units. I found that as I started to change my novorapid ratio's I could lower my Lantus. I eventually decreased it to 28units but it still wasn't working, I was waking up hypo every night without fail which then led me to reduce it to 27 which created havoc as the hypo's were still the problem but I was extremely high all the time. I was taking a minimum of 10 injections a day and I would still be as high as 16+.

I saw my DSN every 2 weeks to keep on top of my control and work out a new solution. I eventually heard about insulin pumps, I made sure I researched them, I spoke to people with insulin pumps and I decided it was something I needed to try because everything else failed. I didn't see it as a wonderful solution, I saw it as another option to help me. It was daunting and not a lighthearted decision to have something attached to my body at all times. I had to battle against my consultant to allow me to apply for funding which he wasn't happy about so I wrote him a letter stating my points and that it wasn't something I had thought about over night and told him all the positives. Eventually he agreed to let my DSN make the decision. She had clearly seen my hard work and agreed to apply for funding.

The outcome... well it changed my life, within weeks I could tell the difference, in my moods, the way I felt and how my body was coping much better with reasonable sugars.

So back to why I decided to write this. There have been comments on twitter that pumps are superior to MDI or that everyone with a pump thinks it solves everything. We should not be judging people on how they decided to control their diabetes. We all have the same condition, if MDI works for one person that is completely fine by me but it didn't work for me. If a pump works for another person then people on MDI should be happy that a long battle with MDI is over for that person.

The DOC is breaking at the seams and everybody seems to be very sensitive over the issue of MDI or Pumps. I decided to join the DOC because I needed a support network that would encourage me to keep control and somewhere I could ask for advice and even give my opinion and advice to others too. I didn't expect to be battling against each other on which method we choose to control our diabetes with. We have enough battling with the media portraying diabetes wrongly.

We may never agree on somebodies opinions or how they deal with a situation but in the real world when do you ever agree with everything somebody says? If I didn't agree with somebody, my solution to this would never be to not be friends with this person but yet in the world of twitter this is what we do...I would have no friends left if this was my mind set.

So this is only my opinion on the matter I hope that people agree but if not I just hope you respect my opinion and hope that as a member of the doc we can settle down, back into our family ways.  

Until next time...

9 months in...

It been a while since I last did a blog and boy has a lot happened in 9 months. 

Where to start...I have been on my insulin pump for 9 months so far and I haven't got a regret in the world. It was by far the best thing I have ever done. I still have lots of hard work to do but I am in a far better position than I was 9 months ago. 


I recently had a new Hba1c done and it was one I had been nervous about, due to the fact I'd been on the pump a substantial amount of time. To my surprise the hard work had paid off. My result was 7.9% in old terms, which is the best Hba1c since my honeymoon period when diagnosed!!! Clearly a few tweaks to be made but its a great start! 

Besides the diabetic side of life, numerous things have happened in the past 9 months. My grandad sadly passed away in November which was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through :( He is sadly missed all the time and everywhere I look I'm reminded of him...this is mainly because me and my boyfriend finally moved out, thanks to the dear kindness of my dad and my auntie who allowed us to move into my grandads house as they didn't want their childhood home being occupied by a stranger. This moves us on to me growing up! Finally living without mum and dad, who have always been there for me, it was nice to have a bit of space which I think they agree on. It was strange having my own home to look after and to look after myself from now on. Mum's reminders are missed at times as I am so forgetful! A quote from her 'I do miss your company but I DO NOT miss your mess!' 

Just as I thought life was getting a little bit easier last week proved to be a tough week completely! I had a job interview which I didn't get and I also had to go to the hospital for sigmoidoscopy which I wasn't looking forward to. For 2 years I have struggled with stomach problems and every time I have visited the GP they always told me I had IBS or I was constipated but I knew it was much more than that. One weekend I was in complete agony I decided to ring the GP for an emergency appointment, in floods of tears I dragged myself to the surgery. I was given an appointment with a new GP to the surgery. To my happiness he listened to my complaints and referred me to a gastroenterologist. My appointment came through fast and she also told me I have IBS and was probably constipated but she said she would investigate further just in case. This leads me to Thursday; the day of my hospital appointment. 
I sat in the waiting area feeling nervous, anxious and absolutely starving due to the fact I couldn't eat 24 hours before the procedure. During the procedure the physician explained the whole process which made it more reassuring, he also informed me that I was suffering from colitis disease. Colitis disease is a chronic bowel disease which is like Crohn's disease in some ways but not the same. I was devastated to say the least. I felt like my world had come crashing down. Not only do I have Type 1 diabetes, I now have colitis disease...two chronic autoimmune disease on my list...great! 

I have never felt so alone or confused...when I was diagnosed with type 1 the answer was to start on insulin and everything was guided closely from there. Whereas with this I have to wait for the biopsy's to come back to my consultant for her to decide a course of medication for the rest of my life. 

The waiting game! 

The thoughts swirling round my mind are: I am 22 years old with two autoimmune diseases, I've got a long way to go yet surely no more can come along and greet me with their presence...right? 


In other news I completed the Manchester 10K for Diabetes UK at the weekend...I have to say Mr D didn't help me along at all! My blood sugars were everywhere! I completed it so that's all that counts. I still have to count up all my sponsors but I have at least £200 so I'm very grateful to everybody who donated :D 

 

Dear Mr D

Write a letter to your health

Dear Mr D, 

We first met on 15th March 2004, even though you may have known me before I didn't know you. You came along when I was 13 at a difficult age of everything changing. We had a bumpy start with being admitted to hospital with 30+ sugars but we soon set sail on a journey together. 

Our journey however wasn't always smooth, we hit a brick wall and went our separate ways for a long time to the point were you didn't care about me no more so I no longer cared for you. We grew apart and hardly stayed in touch. You took over my life and I wanted nothing to do with you! You wasn't the way I had hoped and your personality wasn't to my liking at all, you needed caring for 24 hours a day and I couldn't keep up. 

2005 came along and I simply walked into a table...I know a blonde moment of mine but still only a mere bump to the leg and boom! you decided to remind me of your presence. This reminder came in the form of Necrobiosis which is an awful mark on my shin that will never disappear. As a 15 year old girl a mark on the leg is traumatic, tights on all year round, no camouflage make up can cover it properly and those summer dresses are a big huff for me...Thanks much appreciated Mr D. 

This letter to you can't be all negative I suppose...at the start of this year we decided to reunite and build on our relationship again before we both got hurt or destroyed each other. I agree we did try our hardest but Mr L (Larry Lantus) didn't want to work with us or in our partnership so we tried to grab Mrs N's attention (Novorapid Norma) She tried to work with us but we needed all four of us to work as a team. Nothing worked Mr L just didn't want to listen and he sent us on a roller coaster every day. 

Finally 30th August came and we were set to meet our new friend who was going to help us on our journey. We managed to persuade the PCT to fund her and she came all sparkly and ready to work hard, just what we needed! So me, you and Mrs N met Peppa the pink animas pump. All of us together work as a team and we are really seeing the benefits of a happy relationship. I do admit we have a lot of learning to do all of us four but we are slowly getting there even if we have a few hiccups every now and then. I suppose I can forgive those hiccups as sometimes that could be my fault and sometimes it's yours but who's pointing fingers? 

To round up my letter to you, I would like to say thank you for being here and behaving yourself, we have to work together we don't have a choice but I suppose we do have a choice to be friends and get along. I do prefer our friendship now we are on good terms. 

I'll keep up the good work if you do along with Peppa and Mrs N. 

Kind regards

Your partner in crime, Ness

Photo a day 1 to 8

Photo a day for 30 days....playing catch up! 1-8

1. Struggle - life's always a struggle when
you have Necrobiosis Lipoidica Diabeticorum
caused by your diabetes.

2. Prescriptions - Being overloaded with endless
supplies to keep you alive every day. 

Dot to dot.

3. Fingers - The endless amount of times
I have pricked my fingers to test my
sugars, one day ill be a fountain of
blood! 

4. Oops - Oops indeed for the blocked
cannulas and for the amount of bruises
that may come my way in the future.

Oops for bruises

Oops for the blood

5. Bulls-eye - For the days when perfect
sugars grace you with their presence
and Mr D behaves 

6. Gear - This is the amount of 'gear'
I take with me everyday to ensure
I stay alive

7. Feet - got to keep these bad boys
healthy, they may not be beautiful
but I sure as hell would miss them!

8. Sparkle - This is for the sparkle on
each birthday cake I get every year
and being thankful for my sparkling new
insulin pump for making life that little bit
easier. 

Day 6 - Taking the high road

Better late than never I suppose!!

Prompt - Write about a time you had to take the high road

This post is more about taking the high road within myself apposed to taking the high road away from a person.

I was diagnosed in 2004 at the age of 13, my high school didn't have a clue what my condition was and what they had to do. My nurse came and spoke to the staff at my high school but who knows what she told them as at the age of 13 I didn't rate my DSN either. I just got on with it and I would test just before dinner time and wouldn't bother till I returned home. I slowly drifted into a rut of not bothering what I did or what Mr D did. I often got a telling off for wanting the toilet more and as I look back well if your sugars were 20+ you would want the toilet a lot!

So as time went on I didn't care and my A1c slowly started to creep up and I would walk into clinic with no results and a very empty book! Even though my consultant scared the life out of me, it still did not motivate me to bother.

I left school and off to college I went and I still didn't care. Often I would spend all day at college with no blood meter, no food, no hypo treatments and I would barely eat dinner if I could help it! My sugars were far to high for me to even feel a hypo in the distance so nothing really matter to me.

I completed college and moved on to university were I lived in halls for the first year and still didn't really care about Mr D or the effects he might have on me. By this point my A1c was 12.6% I would occasionally try to test my sugars when I would remember just so that my DSN could help my sugars. By the time I was in uni my DSN was now a lady called Alison, who has stuck with me through thick and thin, she would attempt to motivate me and outline the importance of testing but I just went on living the life I was used to, with not a care in the world. I would always take my injections but they would be mere guessing of what insulin I needed.

One summer my mum and dad went abroad for a holiday and also my sister, her husband and my nephew also went on holiday. They asked me if I could 'house sit' and look after the dog whilst they were away. My boyfriend lived 30 miles down the road at the time so I was in the house alone. One morning I woke up and felt seriously strange and sick. I plodded on and started to get ready for work. As I drank water I could feel myself choking at the thought of putting a drop of water in my mouth. As the afternoon approached it suddenly dawned on me that I had forgot to take my Lantus injections the night before. I immediately rang Primary care (which is a helpline run by the NHS with trained nurses and doctors at the hospital), the sister on the line really dug her nails deep in my skin through the phone as she explained how serious it was to forget it. I was told to drive to the hospital, which I know now was very serious! I was in the early stages of DKA. With nobody around I had plenty of time to think about my actions and how serious things could have been if it had gone further. The needle the nurse put in my lower arm for an acid test kindly reminded me I never wanted to be in that situation again.

It still took time for me to be motivated and grow up, finally at the start of this year was a huge turning point. I decided I needed to grab hold of my life and sort it out. Since then I have continuously visiting my DSN (Alison) every 2 weeks to help keep on top of myself. It took myself to forget the anger inside of me and to take the high road and get on with life and not to waste the life I had. I worked very hard for months on end and still didn't get those perfect sugars I would love to have, but I persevered and finally 8 months later my funding for an insulin pump was accepted and life is going great.

I embrace how lucky I am and have no anger within me regarding Mr D, hes just a small part of my every day life.